Read, Write, Love, Repeat

I sit here staring at my laptop screen, stuck in what I want to say and unsure how to even start.

I fight against this, oh how I fight, matted down again with the assumption that I don’t have any businesses doing this whole writing thing, that I don’t have anything of substance to say, that my blog is just too all over the place for anyone who doesn’t know me to follow it or get me at all.

Ugh.

But still. I want to share what God is doing in my life, what He is showing me, and I just need to get the words flowing to do that. So here it is. my whole job is to share my story, unlike yours, unlike anyone else’s and to point and say, look, here’s what God has done.

Again and again, I point. So here is some more pointing.

Coffee steamed on the table of our cute little breakfast place as I waited for my friend to join me. She had just returned from a trip to England and Scotland and I was eager to hear about her wanderings. After hugs and hellos she reached into her bag and declared she had something for me. Pulling out a beautiful wool Tartan scarf, she told me excitedly she’d brought it from Scotland because she knew I would love the colors. So lovely.

I was so very touched, by the beauty of the gift, by my friend’s effort and thoughtfulness, by her desire to show me love in this kind way.

There’s no way I would have said no, I don’t need that, it’s 103 degrees outside (which was actually the case that day).

I would never say I’m not a good enough friend to deserve that.

I would never say I wanted it sooner or to look different.

I would never ask how much she paid and send her a PayPal payment for that amount to cover the cost of the gift.

I would never say eh, it’s ok. I’d like something else more.

No.

I was humbled by her kindness in the best possible way and happily accepted the gift. I wouldn’t dream of treating my friend this way.

But how often do we do just that? How often to we look at the great gift of God’s love, His mercy, His kindness, His salvation and grace and say no.

I’m not good enough.

I don’t need that.

It doesn’t look like I want it to or arrive in my timing.

I didn’t earn that.

It’s not what I asked for.

No.

Rejecting a gift from a friend is about me. It’s prideful. It’s self-sufficiency at it’s worst. Rejecting a gift from God, that’s a whole other level.

God has given us this gift in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This. This is the ministry of reconciliation.

If we as parents can give good gifts to our children, how much more can God give us good gifts? When we receive in humility, God can bless us so much. And it goes beyond salvation, as if THAT isn’t the most extravagant gift ever, to richness, power, love, and grace in every single day. These are good gifts that our good Father wants to give us. He wants us to live to the full, to use the gifts, talents, and skills He has given us.

And yet we balk. Not out of humility, but out of self-sufficiency. Pride masquerading as humility. We treat His gifts to us as not really for us but for someone else, not something to be exclaimed over, admired, received with gratitude, and, like my beautiful new scarf, taken home and cherished.

Receiving is humility, seeing our need, while rejecting is prideful. I have walked this path over and over again in my life. No thanks, I don’t have anything to write about, so I won’t. I’m good, I don’t need that, doing fine on my own. But I’m so not. I am in need. Daily facing things I can’t do in my own power. Learning to rely on His power. His gifts. His sufficiency. Which looks different every day.

Back to the lovely gift from my friend. Did I wear my new scarf the first day I got it?

No.

Again, Texas. Summer. 103 degrees.

But when the season is right, when the time is right, I will joyfully pull out this gift and use it for its intended purpose. Texas winters do get cold. And I have short hair. And that scarf will fill a special place in my wardrobe, reminding me of my friend’s care for me.

When the season is right, God will use what He’s already poured into me, a gift, however large our small, to serve its intended purpose. May I look to God’s gift for today, which will be perfectly designed for this season and what I face right now, and joyfully pull it out, wear it humbly, and be reminded of His care for me.